I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am one with the molecules
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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