Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
