it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Rumble strips road head = magical
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
