I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
