just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
