Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
