he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
