I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
