sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
MIDGETS
????
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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