I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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