We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
