our cab driver is having phone sex.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
