There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
