Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
