You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
