i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize