that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
