White coat. Heels.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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