come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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