My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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