You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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