Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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