Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
