so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
