South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
