i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
