Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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