Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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