speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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