Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
