Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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