it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
