Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
