Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
