i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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