How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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