Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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