just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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