he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
