Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
