Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Someone shattered a urinal.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
