When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i came on her dog
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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