Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
