If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
