closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
