There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
