Buhtt sex?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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