I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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