Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
