Whod you bang
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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