i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
