omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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