what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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