I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
