That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
