if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
