I want to make a zoo with you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This is my gift to your gina
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
