im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
