just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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