Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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