Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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