got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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