The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
