i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize