the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just cropdusted the office
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
