she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
