Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
