ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
