I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
