She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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