If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My bed smells like the plague
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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