It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
