You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize