cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
